If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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