Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I love black thongs
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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