i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
