So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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