she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize