so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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