make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
