3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize