I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
