It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
