how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
