I'm really into asian looking animals
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
