i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
