Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, beer. Big fan.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
