so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
