Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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