all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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