so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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