I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
