I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize