I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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