I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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