when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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