I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
