I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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