remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Randomize
