hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
