I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
