So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
