i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
