and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
