The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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