something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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