Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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