your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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