I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize