kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
