I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
