a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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