He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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