I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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