So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
