Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
