I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
