life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
