the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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