The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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