She's JV to your varsity
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
