Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
