Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
