I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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