1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
