Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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