Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can I color on your dick again?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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