this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
