My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
