i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got her a Nickelback box set.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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