Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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