a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
