wrigley field is MILF paradise
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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