Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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