Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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