i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
