I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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