THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
