After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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