I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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