I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
