Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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