Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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