you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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