I wish I could punch you in the face.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
