her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
