and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
