SEEEEXXX PLEASE
People in love make me want to vomit
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
