Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
