he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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