Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
