i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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