I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A bitchslap is in order.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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