I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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