How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize