If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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