I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
