When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
