And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
