i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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