Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
