The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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