I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
