just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
