we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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