You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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