I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
