You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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